So this is the first post in a new series I’m starting. I want to start a habit of writing a monthly recap. To sort of create a diary or record of what happened and how I’m making it in life. Hopefully, they’ll be short and sweet. Probably filled with my random thoughts and rants. But I feel like writing really helps me get through what I’m going through. I’ve never been good at it, but it makes me feel better. I tend to write how I think, so that is why most of my writing is worded funny. Or at least that’s what my husband and Grammarly say.
Okay so speaking of my horrible writing….lately I’ve been sick of feeling like I need to write a certain way to reach people. This is my blog and I want it to reflect how I actually am. The big reason for me writing shorter posts, in general, is because it is easier for me to create, and quicker for you to digest.
I’ve realized that life is moving faster than I normally perceive it. For someone who always tries to make the most of their time, and is fully aware that “life is short” I have been even more aware of it. There are about two months left until Christmas and it really seems like we just celebrated it. Sometimes I ask myself where did these kids come from? Seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with my first.
Each Christmas is a milestone. Building upon the other. In the last three years, we’ve gone from living with my Grandpa to celebrating in our own place. And watching three babies who each had their turn with the “First Christmas” sign. Time has flown and it isn’t stopping. I feel like I’ve lost clarity and focus. Since I’ve been having blurry vision from extreme allergies and picked up some “old lady reading glasses”, my mind is cloudy. As I go through my days there is a small blurry spot in one of my eyes and it’s driving me crazy. I can see it and it’s distracting me.
My lack of focus is affecting my goals. So many ideas and things I’ve written down for this blog, but I just can’t seem to find the time to put it all together. Beating myself up I tend to push and push myself to do things, only to fail at finishing them. I then simultaneously tell myself I can’t be too hard on myself because I do have three very small children under the age of four. Some very rare moments I remember that I need to stop thinking “What do I need to do next”. I need to remember to take a second to look at what I have achieved.
No matter how much I try and stay up late to “work” on my goals, mom life has me feeling exhausted. Since Joshua works early he goes to bed early. Always making me go to bed at 8:30 pm because he knows I’m tired. When will I ever find the time to do it all? I don’t know but what I do know is that my kids are growing up before my eyes. The struggle of balancing stay at home mom life with work at home life is crazy. Kids and family, chores and marriage and blogging and church and ugh, just everything is a lot of responsibility. I miss the days when it was just me. But reflecting on the past is a waste of the present time I’ve been given.
These are my feelings for this month. October is a lovely season and I’ve really rediscovered my love for it. I miss having all the seasons like I did in Washington state. We were blessed to go see my husband’s brother get married in Wisconsin and it was so beautiful there. Ambrose, my youngest turned ONE and I feel weird because normally like my last two I was pregnant during the first birthday. Yet I’m not.
Part of me wants to wait before we have another so I can get things done and settle some goals. Yet another side of me doesn’t want the last two to be more than two years apart since my other two are 15 months apart. BUT….I don’t want to leave the baby stage for too long and then feel like I have to go back to it. The struggle is real. I have a small inkling that if I wait, their won’t be another.
Well, I don’t know how short this post is. My intention was for it to be quick. For some reason, I have a problem with writing too much. I’m looking forward to the new month and all it will bring.
HERE’S TO NOVEMBER, may you bring forth gratitude!